Tip for the Day

Get yourself a clear conscience, and do as you will.

Update on the Tuberculosis front: I don't have it. I still have to take some medicine for six months to lower the chance that I will ever get TB. I have been going through the county, as I don't have insurance. So far, everything has cost me a total of 25 or 30 bucks. The only drawback is I have to wait in a crowded waiting room for a couple of hours to be seen. As I work swing shift, this is not such an inconvenience.

One of these days

One of these days, I will have enough confidence to put What4 in my signature file....

"Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance..."

I haven't added to this blog since I added a counter. Perhaps this was poetic justice for caring anyway if anyone read what was on my heart.

Another reason is that what has been on my heart has been all religious. I know how sanctimonious that can sound.

I have been listening to lastfm.com a lot. If you haven't check out LastFM, you really should. It's pretty popular in Europe, and offers alot of free listening, but not so many free downloads. The custom playlists are pretty amazing, though.If you want to visit my lastfm homepage, here it is: Rwinner's LastFM Home Page.

Bought this picture from deviantart for 100 bucks. It looks nice behind my red leatherette sofa I bought from coolsofa.com. The room is shaping up nicely. I still have to buy the blinds and drapes. I did buy an oil lamp on the net from Vermont Lanterns. This is going to look awfully cool at night, don't you think?

It's fun to decorate the room, though. I am taking a California minimalist approach: one or two things on each wall, no clutter, and simple basic colors. Will show you all the stuff when the room is (almost) finished!

Bye!

Today nothing of interest happened. Except, I am still far from being at ease in public. I am really at a loss when it comes to casual conversation. I often get this uncanny sense that others expect more from me than I am willing to give. Back when I was in my 20's and 30's, it seemed a smile and a shrug was enough. Today, that doesn't seem to be the case. It seems that folks sense weakness in me for some reason, and demand their pound of flesh for the simple reason that they can. The temptation for me to become resentful, even boastful, is very great, and this is a trap I often fall into. Another temptation is to belittle people, to pigeonhole and thus dismiss them. This is another thing I am working to overcome.

I am being thrown out of my room for a week while they remodel. I am excited by the new electronics workbench I ordered. And a new sofa will be coming too. I am looking forward to my new digs. Best to you all from L.A.

I Quit Smoking

A couple of weeks ago I threw away my pot and paraphernalia, and last week, I threw away my cigs and ashtray. I came to the realization that smoking was a way to make time pass, because I didn't know how to fill it. Well, now I know: time is the gift of God for affording folks the chance to discover God, and talk to Him. It has not been easy to find this out. In fact, it's taken me 47 years. And I had to overcome a lot of pain, disappointment and confusion along the way. I am completely sympathetic with folks who cannot seem to find their way to God, or who lean on crutches like drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. I totally understand where they are coming from. God is like the pause between breaths -- it's easy to miss.

Therese of Lisieux

The Little Flower Web Site

I have made this Saint my friend as of a few weeks ago. I don't count any other Saints among my friends, but I have this one, because I was so moved by her story. Saint Therese, or the Little Flower as she is affectionately called, lived her faith openly, honestly and with complete conviction simply by being honest with herself and her friends, and loving the Lord with every ounce of sweat and blood her poor frame could muster. In fact, her constant devotion may have contributed to her demise at 24 of tuberculosis, a fatal disease at the turn of the century.

A funny thing happened when I befriended this Saint. I had to get a routine TB test as part of an application for a home preschool my landlord is starting on the property. I had not been given this test in recent memory, so I didn't know what to expect. Wouldn't you know it, a couple of weeks after acquainting myself with St. Therese, the results came back positive for exposure to TB! I mean, like she had been whispering in my ear -- which come to think of it, she may have. So now, I am awaiting the Xray results to see if I have the communicable form of the disease.

I don't feel nervous as much as blessed. I feel like God is closer to me now than he's ever been, and that He is slowly, in that deliberate, insistent way of His, preparing me for my own closer walk with Him. My personal time has been filled lately with reading devotional books and the Bible, and prayer. I talk to God, Mary and the Saints often, and when I begin to act silly or forgetful of religion, I apologize and bring myself back to a suitable frame of mind. This is not as arid or boring a life as it may sound. In fact, the world has never seemed sweeter or more beautiful since I started on this life of prayer. I could continue this way forever, and not miss my previously scatterbrain attempts at enjoying life at all.

One day, I must post about how I came to be so religious and all. It's really the story of my life, so cannot be contained in a single blog posting. Probably need, like, TEN! Don't worry, I won't torture you with that. 8 )

Is anyone reading this blog? Anyone? Hello! Is this thing on?